When I feel true love for myself, the love I radiate is endless.
We can only love others as much as we love ourselves. What does that mean, actually? Is it true? And how can we love ourselves with all our heart?
Where we have to start is deep within us. So deep inside, that it get’s a little uncomfortable to move around. Twisty tunnels, a lot of darkness, some slimy mud here and there. We might slip at some point, fall, or get lost. But let’s take a torch light to shed some light onto the not so beautiful corridors inside us. Because only when we see the dirt and the slime and all those uncomfortable, ugly things we hate to look at, we can clean up the mess.
A lot of those mud patches, stinky smudges and mold stains are the negative beliefs that we’ve been carrying for way too long already.
They lie deep inside those dark corridors, never looked at but always influencing us. If you’re familiar with the topic of beliefs, you’ll probably come up with tons of examples of harmful beliefs. For those who aren’t, here you go: „I’m not (good) enough“, „I’m not creative“, „I’m not important“, „I’m not lovable“, „There’s not enough for everyone“, „I’m alone“ …the list can go on forever.
To get to loving ourselves and others we ought to look at them, no matter how disgusting and ugly they are.
A belief influences the way we unconsciously think about ourselves. When we have a detrimental belief about who we are, we think less of ourselves, we dislike a part of who we are – or who we believe we are.
Picture a woman who believes she’s not good enough. That woman will not show herself fully as she is, will not ask for help or guidance, will not dare to give what she can give to the world, will feel like she’s worth less than others. And she will always feel like she’s struggling for something.
She’ll always feel like she has to be better, has to do more, has to be more of something for others to love and accept her. Can this woman really love herself when she believes that she isn’t good enough the way she is?
You can’t whole-heartedly love someone who you think is not worthy enough to be in this world, is not good enough at this or that, is just not enough in general. And that is the case for us loving someone else but also for us loving ourselves.
This woman can’t love herself, because she believes she’s not good enough.
That makes her constantly compare herself to others, convince her that their life is so much better than her’s, they’re so much better and more successful than she is. She will feel jealous, idealize them and crave a life that is not her’s.
Can she love these people with all her heart? Can she LOVE them, feeling less worth, envying them? No, she cannot. Because when she’s not accepting and loving all the parts of herself, how can she do that with someone else? And how can she be 100% happy for and with those people when she wants exactly that happiness for herself?
Love is not a scarce good, there’s not a fixed amount of it to divide. I don’t love one friend less when I start to love another more. It’s the same for ourselves. It’s a fallacy to believe that when I start loving myself more, I’ll turn into a narcissist and won’t care for others anymore. It’s the OPPOSITE, and that is very important to understand. When I love myself more, there will naturally be more love for others. It’s inevitable.
What I have experienced – and it’s incredibly beautiful every single time that I feel it – is that in moments, where I am fully okay with who I am, I feel so much love for others. Whether that is my partner, my friends or my family. If I can let myself be who I am, I can let others be who they are.
If I give love to myself, I can allow others to take care of themselves AND I can lovingly care for them too. If I grant myself the freedom that I want and need and if I give myself the permission to decide for my own life, I can let others do the same. And that is love.
When I feel love for myself and my life, it just multiplies and spreads in my heart. It bursts out, and I can’t help but share it.
It feels so beautiful and full of light.
But how do I let go of limiting beliefs that keep me from fully loving myself, and how do I find them in the first place?
A good friend recently recommended the work of Teal Swan to me, a self-developmental and spiritual teacher. She has published two very interesting videos on how to find a core belief – a belief that lies very deep within us and highly affects the way we live our life -, and how to change that belief. I encourage you to watch them and try her technique, it has been very transformational for me already, although I’m still integrating it.
Let us learn to love ourselves, love the people around us, love every human being on earth and every other living being. Let us learn to love this planet, this life, this miracle of beauty. Every moment of our lives.
Let us choose love over fear.